Horror Flick of the Week: Student Bodies

Don’t let the online ratings fool you! This movie is terrible. Wait, that’s exactly what the online reviews say…okay, let me rephrase this. Don’t let the online ratings ‘deter’ you, or the fact that almost every single cast member involved with this movie didn’t want to receive any credit whatsoever for it.

 

student

 

It’s cheesy, raunchy, stupid, funny, at times painful…and fantastic. Fantastic in that everyone pretty much knows what they’re in is stupid, and they’re all adults…but they aren’t above acting like children, or milking DUMB gags until they’re crying for mercy. Believe it or not, this was pretty unique for it’s time. Way ahead of Scary Movie, with considerably less drug jokes. It’s a direct parody of Slasher, which wasn’t a completely formed genre yet. Coming out of the age of Grindhouse ‘masterpieces’, this film was made at the perfect time.

 

Honestly, completely sober, I feel drunk when I watch this. So if you think about it, I saved a lot of money sitting through Student Bodies. You could too! Unless you prefer to appreciate films merely for the sake of art and brilliance, or you’re too highly evolved for juvenile humor and pre-marital sex.

 

The main premise is that a serial killer called ‘Breather’ kills teenagers who have sex, usually with unique methods…like vegetables…and horse-head bookends. Meanwhile, there’s a lot of teenagers having sex all over the place. Don’t forget the janitor, Malvert, who’s actually a lot more funny and terrifying than the Breather (which is saying something. The Breather is hilarious.) The secondary premise is that everyone’s an idiot. Like Airplane…with a serial killer.

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